Today has just felt like one of those days. Like all great moms do, I went to my hiding place (the bathroom) and pouted about the things that have gone wrong today. As I thought more about the day that had passed it suddenly hit me what a special day it actually was. Some of you know, being a NICU parent is REALLY tough. Being a NICU parent with other kids at home is almost unbearable feeling at times. Your heart is spilt in two places and feels like it can’t be whole until your entire family is finally together. Two years ago KC was still in the hospital and our girls were home begging to go to the pumpkin patch. We arranged for a grandparent to sit with the baby while we went home to take the girls out for some “normal” time. I fought tears the entire drive there. I so badly wanted to be in the moment and enjoy my big girls but I couldn’t stop feeling guilty about experiencing a family moment with my family incomplete. KC was battling for life learning to breathe and eat and do all those things babies are normally born doing and we were having a family fun day without her. Granted, she had NO clue what was going on nor would she have had any desire to be there and if she were home, I wouldn’t have taken her there anyhow…but that’s too rational for an emotionally distraught momma smile emoticon anyhow, we took our family picture. I faked a smile and cried like a baby all the way home. I just wanted my family all together. Just like last year, we visited the pumpkin patch this year and I’m sad that I almost didn’t spend my time celebrating this victory. She is ours and she is home and well! I always imagine this is what face she’ll make one day when she find out we went without her.